The eternal. Can men and women just be friends? And when I say friends, I mean friends who don`t have sex together. Not only that they don`t. That they are too lazy, lack any kind of sex-drive, – or that they are more interested in coffee Macchiato, than sex. No. I mean those who really don`t want to.
Like. Ever.
I have many theories and quite the experience. But hang on, even if I`m admitting to having some experience on the matter, you must not think that I`ve slept with all of my friends. Because I really haven`t. But I`ve slept with some. Let`s be honest. I`ve slept with a few.
Until the age of 35, I thought it was possible. Being friends, I mean. But now, I’m not so sure anymore. Sure, I have friends I really don’t wanna have sex with. But I do think they`ve wanted to hook up with me, at some point. And it’s not because I’m so darn irresistible. Or believe that I`m so irresistible. No, actually, I think there are only a few who would shag me, -but I definitely think that the ones who want to meet up all the time, who would do anything for me -and does. Well, at some point (and probably not that infrequently, either) I guess they`ve been dreaming about carrying me upstairs (yes. This is how I picture it. Carry me up, sailor!). Anyway. Let`s try swopping things up, and I`ll be dead serious. There are male friends, in my life, whom I could never sleep with. They are, and will, until the end of days, remain in the friend zone. No matter how alone I`d feel. No matter how drunk I would ever get. And this has nothing to do with looks, by the way. They could be these Hugh-Grant-lookalikes all they wanted to, – and I still wouldn`t have sex with them. No, that didn`t quite work. Let`s take it down a notch. They could be Ryan-Gosling-lookalikes all they wanted to, and I still wouldn`t have sex with them.
And this, dear friends, is the difference. I think most ladies (you want a percent?! Okay, let’s say 89%, then) can have boy- friends without even thinking about sex. In other words, we`d be able to handle both chemistry and an attractive appearance, – and still have a resting heart rate. Be dry-shod. Be on solid ground. Yeah. You get the picture. And this chemistry- thing, I take for granted, of course, since the alleged people, most likely, make up quite the duo. I mean, who wants to hang out with a complete bore? Except a boring person hanging out with another boring person. Obviously. So yeah. All these goodies, and still no sex! Can men do this? Hardly. And there, the problem lies. A huge part of the problem, actually.
Now, I don`t wanna imply that women are all Virgin Mary. We`re done with that. WE ARE NOT. But we don`t shag everyone who comes our way. Naturally, not all men do this, either. Only 89% of them do. I can`t think of any reasons why I should argue the facts, so let`s just move on. Yes, I have some boy- friends in my life. They are definite, clear and indisputable. But then you have the gray zone, as always. And this is where it starts getting challenging. Who goes where? It’s not always easy to say. Maybe you have dated terribly long, without ever having kissed. What is that? If you have sex once, but never again. What then? And if you talk about other dates you`re going out on, are you just a friend then? Or are you, in fact, trying to make the other one jealous? If you are having sex with someone, it might be convenient to share some sort of a friendship. But, is it even possible? Do you have sex on a regularly basis? What goes then? Do you say goodnight? Spend the night? Or is it all shag-and-go?
Clearly, I have been ignorant. Maybe, even, a bit naive. Frankly, I thought men would do all kinds of things for me, for free, – and then leave. I thought they found me so entertaining and sweet that they couldn`t help themselves from seeing me all the time. And I didn’t, really, think that they found me unattractive, either. That that was why they didn`t come on to me. No. I was under the impression that they saw me as both charming, funny AND pretty, -but that they just didn`t feel this special “energy”. The grand, oh-so-obvious sex-energy. I was sure they didn`t feel it. I even took it for granted. So, yes. I have borrowed equipment. I’ve gotten walls painted. I’ve had food delivered on my doorstep. And I have cried on more than one shoulder, over the years. But then, all of a sudden, you start noticing things. After two decades, ten years or eight months. He doesn`t wanna do stuff anymore. He just wanna stay in. Just the two of you. And he says “Oh, cool…” in a TOTALLY different tone of voice, than your girlfriends, when you talk about your new date. And you can tell when he is watching. And when did this happen, by the way!? Even when you look like a train wrack (which is quite annoying, actually. Doesn`t he even have taste, anymore!?). Not to mention when you are going out (finally). His eyes are as glued. AND THIS WASN`T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!
Let me tell you about a friend of mine. No, sorry. I almost had myself fooled. This one, I`m actually shagging. So, instead of a friend, let`s call him “Person One”. Person One has a lot of friends. Girl-friends he supposedly don`t wanna shag (and let`s, for a second, assume that he is right). Anyway. He`s really kind to them. Helps them out in every way he can. So, he has picked up kids in kindergarten. Fixed multiple dishwashers. Met exes. Tidied while waiting. He has locked himself in, while she was stuck in traffic. He has picked up Take-Aways just about every time she has suffered from heartache. He`s listened for hours and spent more than one evening in the Jacuzzi. And now they`re crossed. The other day, he got an angry text saying “You`re hopeless!!! You will never be ready !!”. Another one said they couldn`t meet anymore, since she`d met a new. And there you go. Chaos and confusion. WHAT?? I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST FRIENDS??! Him being a good friend and all, I offered a good talk about this. Obviously, he was quite upset. We didn`t make any revolutionary discoveries, though. But we made sure to have sex, afterwards.