The postman got to see my boobs today. And no. It wasn’t an agreement in order to outflank the delivery cost. I haven’t even considered that an actual possibility,until now. I mean. I’m all about flirting for advantages, but to take it as far as showing titties, is a bit up there – even for me.
It was more of a hair-in-bra-situation. Apart from the bra. I’m only using bras on special occasions now. And when I go to work. Usually. When I don’t wear it, I always make sure I have long scarfs to accompany my outfit. Then the scarf will serve as two cords hiding one nipple each. Working in public schools, where the indoor temperature at all times is somewhat problematic, can be a challenging matter for those without bras. All female teachers know this. Me included. And when you teach 15- year- olds, the stakes are high. Obviously. You might get nicknames, which will stick forever. In fact, it might be your legacy.
However, to stick to the point, my situation with the hair – in- the – boob – area was really upsetting. It’s always upsetting when you find yourself in such a state. Also, it can happen anywhere. That’s what makes it so hard and difficult to cope with. You never know where, or when, it will strike. I can only speak for myself, but this have happened to me at a variety of places. At the bus, at the grocery shop, while driving. While skiing. The list goes on. If you are experiencing this out in the public, you must be aware. If you let your guard down,you could easily risk a fine for indecent exposure. And that’s probably not the fine you’re looking for.
Facing these bra/no bra- issues while driving, is neither elementary. Fine- wise,it’s definitely less risky. However, physically it’s beyond promising. But it’s doable! It really is. Even when you are the driver (which I was in all of my cases). Under such circumstances, there are a few things you’ll have to consider though. A few questions to reflect upon. Should I remove my seat belt altogether? Should I go “all-in” at the next traffic light? Do you have a bra- situation in addition to the missing hair/misplaced hair/excessive hair? If you do, you might weigh whether the next bus-stop is the appropriate spot to fully explore.
In the majority of my car- cases, bras have been totally absent, and that makes it a whole lot easier. Then, all you have to do, is finding a gear your fancy, and give your right hand a free pass to rummage around your sweater. If you’re lucky, it can all be done in about 20 seconds. Given bare skin and not too many layers of wool.
Being confronted with these issues when doing grocery shopping, is really exhausting. If you do have a bra, you really have two alternatives. You can either manoeuvre to the twin-area by slipping your hand into your neckline, and then go as deep as you will have to. All depending on where these hair fibres have gone missing.
The second option is entering from down below. Well. Belly button- region, that is. From your sweater’s ribbing, to be specific. Don’t wanna confuse. You might feel like doing this in a hurry, since you now are displaying a great amount of belly. Likely, it’s cold and uncomfortable too. Nonetheless, there is no other way. When doing this myself, I try to face the shelves, in order to place my boobs and belly as far away from other customers as I possibly can. And by all means, I stay clear of the dairy section. Simply because of temperature- related issues.
The main reason why this scenario is looked upon as such a hassle, though, is because you could easily be mistaken for a thief. After all, you avoid eye- contact. You avoid people. You’re sweating. You operate close to the shelves. There are sudden moves. Uncommon moves. However, if you were to be accused of anything, you should know that most stores now have surveillance cameras installed. Thank God. I cannot imagine what it must have been like for women throughout the years. When there were no legal rights, and no technical devices to speak their case. What a nightmare.
It’s really fortunate that I spend a lot of my time in the comfort of my own home. Most of my hair-nearby-boobs-happenings takes place when I’m there. They tickle,they itch, but it’s seldom a drawn-out affair. Also, I’ve learned to distinguish hair laying horizontally, from the ones situated more vertically.
Moreover, I hardly ever wear bras when I’m home, so it only takes me a split second to get down to business. This was exactly what happened in my kitchen, this morning.
Out of the blue, I felt something, and all of a sudden my sweater ribbon was resting by my throat, and my boobs were out in the open. I figured I had plenty of time, so I investigated laboriously. I was determined to find each and every fibre circulating my boobs. The ones distressing the three of us. My hands were doing a great job searching, and just as I found the two partners in crime, I found myself looking directly at the postman. Through the window I could see how his eyes were wide open, and his face rather confused.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally managed to raise his hands into the air. With the package and everything. Probably eager to show me he was somewhat entitled to be there. I covered my boobs again, swallowed and walked slowly towards the front door. Hoping to never make it there.
He passed the package quickly, while mumbling something about signature. I was able to pronounce a “Thank you” while looking at my two bare feet.
It could have been all over then. But surprisingly enough, as he walked towards his car, and my front door was nearly shut, I somehow managed to rip it open and shouted to him “You see. Bras suck. Praise yourself lucky!”.
I was just as stunned as he. This outburst had taken me by surprise, just as his appearance in the window, a few minutes earlier, had done. However, instead of going with the sense of feeling ashamed and mortified, I collected myself and regained my composure. I straightened up, closed the door with grace and dignity and wandered back – all while wondering whether he had seen how perky they had been-in this cold kitchen in November.