When looking for love quite publicly… No, I’m not attending “Julie Looking For Love” on Viasat Gold, or anything like that, but I do write about it. And to such an extent that maybe THAT, soon, is the very reason why I can`t seem to reel anyone in.
Or, I mean. I do…how to put it… `score`, from time to time (that`s not hard, at all), but I`d be nice to win the whole fucking match soon, if you know what I mean. Anyway. When you look for love as publicly as I do (writing about it in your local newspaper, for one), you have to get used to people having opinions.
Cause they do. They have. And not just opinions, by the way. They get exhausted. It seems. Well, at least, overly drained. Emotionally drained. Yes. And I mean. That`s really not my intention. God, no. Getting people emotionally drained, just because I`m single, really isn`t my kind of fun. Let me explain. I think love engages. Correction. I’m pretty sure that love is engaging. It speaks to us. It`s universal. We have all been there (and if not, it’s about bloody time! Get out- and live a little! (Post Korona, I mean! Post Korona!)). We all have our experiences, our procedures and with age, -we probably think that we have found some kind of a Perfect Recipe. The Truth. The Way. The How To.
Quite often, when I write texts, I get feedback. From people. Comments. Never in any comment box, of course, but in private. Majority of Norwegians seem not to be especially fond of talking about their love-life, publicly. I, on the other hand, love it (now I`m actually laughing, but you wouldn`t know, of course). Anyway. I, personally, do not find it humiliating, embarrassing or strange that I am single. Neither do I think it`s humiliating, embarrassing or strange to write about it. Elaborate. In fact, I could position myself at the very bow of a boat. With Leonardo, right next, of course, -shouting into the ocean. «I`m the single`lest of the world !!» (at least if I could shag him afterwards. Just kidding! I could`ve shouted it- without any shagging, at all. I think (I mean. It would totally depend on his level of charmingness, of course).
But yes. People write a lot about this. I guess they feel the urge to “give Julie a push”. You know. In the right direction (poor thing. She’s gonna write about these things until she hits the wrong side of the grass. We should say something, right ?!). And then. You get. Messages. Like.
“Isn’t it just junk on Tinder!?” Maybe you should try somewhere else. Like the grocery store. The library. Things like that”.
“You don`t think your expectations are too high? After all, we`re talking about men ».
“Do you really need to be SO happy?” Wouldn’t it be nice just have someone to share bills with and stuff? Don`t having to worry, financially. I remember what it was like when I was living alone. I could NEVER do it again!! I couldn’t do ANYTHING!!».
And then you have all those who ask me about the grass. The Oh-so-famous Grass. So, Julie. Is it greener on the other side? Huh?! The grass. Is the grass greener on the other side? Oddly enough, they’re pretty sure that I know this. That, probably. No. Correction. That, By All Means. That was the very reason why I b-e-c-a-m-e single.
“So. Dearest diary. Today, Monday, the twentieth of February, two thousand and thirteen, I hereby intend to find out… whether… the grass is greener on the other side. I intend, and hereby undertake, to find out these… curiosities… of life. And therefore, I end my escapades with Mr. Thoresen, from this day on. And, moreover, once I have found the answer, I will make it my calling in life, to share this wisdom — yes, the very truth of life — with my fellow citizens. Yours sincerely, Julie ».
And when they ask me this question, out loud, – something very interesting happens. Something quite fascinating, indeed. They all hurry to answer, themselves. But, AS IF, I just did the answering. They look content. They nod. To me. You know, in fact, the question doesn`t even make it to the hypothetical phase. Because then you gotta have a short break. But who would want a short break? Cause. WHAT IF!!! WHAT IF THE WOMAN, WITH THE ANSWERS, HAS THE ANSWER …!!? AND WHAT IF SHE SPILLS IT OUT!!!! And what if it is as dreaded?! WHAT IF!!
WHAT IF THE GRASS IS GREENER????!!!!
And the saddest text, I got at the end of the week. From this guy.
“Just a thought. Would life be easier without a boyfriend? Maybe not nicer, but easier. You have written a lot about finding a partner. But have you written about that? ».
I’m already working on my next text. There, I`ll answer you all. In the meanwhile. Hang in there. She may be single. But she’s not sad. I promise.