I’m 37 years old, – and the inbox on my phone is such a sad sight. A sad sight for sore eyes. And no, it`s not because there are so few messages there. It`s the content I’m worried about. It’s not worthy of me. It’s not worthy of me, one bit. What in the world are adult men thinking??!
It`s a pretty nascent phenomenon. Men send YouTube clips to their opposite sex. And now you`re probably thinking; so what? What`s the problem? I get them from my husband, too. All the time. Well. For starters. These are not our men, at all. These guys are single. Hardly our friends. And they send clips to us, at all hours. Most likely, I mean, in all likelihood, they are f-l-i-r-t-i-n-g. Yes. Flirting. At least, that`s what I think they do. Unfortunately, just about everything indicates that that`s what they`re doing. So, yeah. Where to start?!
Of course, you could start with the age-related aspect. You see, the men I`m now referring to, are way into their 40s, when all this happens. Also, a fair share have had, at least, two or three cohabitations at this stage. With ladies. Not students. But real-life ladies. You would think that they`d picked up on a thing or two by living under the same roof as these female species. I really don`t know what it is. Either, these ex-girlfriends have made very few demands, over the years, -or they might have paired up, at sixteen. Maybe this friend mentioned how pretty he thought she was, and then, they kissed at the next party. He might have escaped all phases that require some sort of flirting, because the ladies were ruthless, then. If you kissed, you were a couple, and that was it. That could easily have been the case. But what about those who`ve had multiple attempts? Have they not learned anything about flirting and romance? Do they even know it exists?
For several years now, I`ve had to deal with this (due to the laziness, of others, really). I would say, I`ve had to deal with this on a daily basis, even. And I certainly not disagree with the fact that men make contact, but honestly though, it can hardly count as that. At first, I thought it was a virus, or something, going crazy on their phone. Which, uncritically, sent out YouTube clips, at all hours of the day. But since then, I have had to conclude that, everything indicates that this has been done, deliberately. And if I didn`t give any response to all of this, the clip would always be resubmitted. So, what I did was choosing the easy way out, – and emojied my way through all kinds of clips from America, Asia, the Middle East, -and Russia. And here`s the report. I`ve had the privilege to see siblings scare each other. Both with water pistols and dangerous masks (!). There have been overturned cars. Men who have dragged cars, across streets. There have been food competitions. Involving both pies, sausages and apples. Men, of all ages, who have climbed up and down buildings. Trees that have fallen over. Pools that have burst and where all the water flows out. There have been cats in trees. Babies eating food, in messy manners (which is super-sweet, of course, and one of which I`ve always `read more into`. Which has been that the guy in question, is beyond ready, for a love child. That this sweet baby has been his way of showing that he`s ready. That he LOVES children and can`t wait to build a family on his own! Which, later on, I have had no choice but consider as “wishful thinking” on my part, – and having to realize that the actual intension of sending the baby, was to show what kind of messy eaters they actually are).
Not only. I`ve also had the privilege of waking up to messages, from my dream man, showing comedian Harald Eia peeing on himself (!). Harald Eia being some sort of a “linguist”. And Harald Eia guiding us through “historical landmarks” in Oslo. Also, I’ve seen comedian Kristopher Schau puke a lot, vacuum his flat (!) and eating his own foreskin. I have received video-clips of popular TV-shows, from a decade where I still played with barbies. I`ve gotten goodnight-texts showing criminals falling to the ground. And criminals running for their lives. Soon, I`ve seen ENTIRE YouTube and I`M STILL NOT IMPRESSED!! And what does it all mean?! Should I be flattered? Impressed? Or happy? Do they consider this as making a move? Some sort of move? Even a small one?! Because I don`t know! Of course I appreciate the effort (if it count as one) of making me laugh (not that it does, but that they think it does (poor souls)), but I thought the whole idea was that they should make me laugh. Not a random comedian. Or a guy, living in Delhi.
Because this is what confuses me. Who are they? What do they want? Do they want to provide the comedians more likes, -or are they trying to tell me something? Is there a hidden message, perhaps? Have they been conducted and are desperate trying to communicate through videos? (and am I devilish for actually hoping so?).
I mean. These are not men I have grown up with. Who, three decades later, wonder how in the world I`ve been, – and who finishes it off with a clip (also quite bizarre, but at least it would have some intension (in the text, obviously. The video would still serve as nothing). But that, at least, I would have understood. The problem is when single men, out of the blue, vandalize your inbox with live clips. Then, I get confused. I simply don`t know what to do. And I`ve always thought it`d be strange to respond with “loved that clip” or “great clip! Is your weekend going well? Coffee on Sunday?”. It just doesn`t work. It seems wrong. So, what I do instead, is hoping they`ll follow up with something. Like, a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. But they rarely do. Usually, there`ll just be a second clip, the next day. Or if you`re really lucky; next weekend.
For a long time now, I have responded with emojis. Emojis acting surprised. Emojis laughing (what can you do but give them what they want). But lately, though, I`ve become somewhat agitated. I mean. What happened to “hello”? What happened to not bother if you don`t bother? And if you`re really semi-hitting-on on me, try a sentence! Just one!
Now, I`m not even providing emojis anymore. I`m just sending cat videos back. You find them all over YouTube. Easy as pie. “Funny cat videos”. “Extremely funny cat videos”. “Hilarious cat videos”. The list goes on. You gotta pay back in the same coin, you know. It`s actually quite fun, when you get the hang of it. And it`s bullet proof. They never respond. I mean, how could they?
So, this is how we do it. That`s the magic of;
staying single, all year round.