Yet again, I was forced to go home. The rest of the girls went to this coffee- shop, but I could feel it building up, throughout the day.
Was this for real? Wouldn`t I be able to go today either? I mean. I was the one who initiated the whole thing. I was the one who was keen on checking out the new place. Besides, we had just gotten our paycheck, and I had planned on doing some shopping.
Well. None of it mattered. My body couldn`t care less about account balances and spring fashion. Clearly, it had its own agenda. It was completely indifferent to incidents like caving in. He was unshakeable, and expressed himself explicitly.
There was dizziness. From early morning till late at night. Like doing the Kiel ferry on a constant hangover. However, I ignored.
There was nausea. Like an everlasting stomach flu. But I ignored.
There were stars and blind spots all around. A migraine who could pull through both sleep, rest and nutrition. Still. I ignored.
This whole day, I have been ignoring.
Because I desperately wanted to go.
But he won.
He always do.
And now he presented himself in full force. Made me so unsteady I could hardly walk. Made my sight so diminished I could hardly see. I guess he`s in a terrible mood. What`s up with all the anger? What is he up against? What`s happening in there?
My flat feels enormous. Dark. Like darkness has sucked me in.
All he ever wants, is me. Alone with him.
Just
me and him.