I don`t need you to compliment me. It`s not what I want. I don’t want to know how beautiful you think I am.
I wanna feel it.
I don’t want to know how much in love you are.
I wanna feel it.
Don’t compliment me when all I need is validation. Comfort. A simple « I want you» is good enough. Loads of compliments are, as always, disturbing and makes me anxious.
And I’m right, of course. I`ve done this before. Moreover, it has been done to me before. I recognize it all. Every single word. The pauses. The intonation. The grand, represent through whisper. You tell me how wonderful I am, as if it was a flaw. As if it was a disadvantage. I can’t comprehend the following, the things that makes me loveable and amazing. The most beautiful words. Words astonishing enough to represent a groom`s wedding speech.
The only difference is, this is not a wedding.
We`re at a funeral. I’m aware.
Despite your endless effort in convincing the both of us how special “this” really is, I understand immediately. I have started mourning long before it`s even pronounced. The fire was extinguished a while ago, and I missed it. But now it`s over. It`s done. It`s part of the past even while you are ending it. You might not put it that way, regardless, it`s what you`re doing. It`s over, even before it started.
All I want to do is scream.
Into the woods. Scream.
What difference does it make that you felt appreciated? Validated, even. What difference does it make that you had great chemistry? Good sex? Intimacy? The x factor? The undefined? The laughter? The conversations? What difference does it make when the ropes disappear? When the puppets fall to the ground. Then they lie there, unable to move.
One of the puppets lies there, defeated, subjugated and suffocated. But look how beautiful she is. Look at her strength. A brightness is surrounding her. She`s beautiful, loveable and amazing. That’s what she is being told. And its beautiful watching her from a distance. She`s at her prettiest then. Untouchable. Just lying there. The body numb and bruised. Her soul being fed with the most beautiful words, just in time for the rope to be removed. But can`t you see it? Look closely. Can you tell how she smiles just as her eyes shuts down?
Look, how loved she feels.
Look, how happy she is.
Lying there. All on her own.